I don't know anymore

 It's been such a long time.
I have been so horrible.
I haven't been striving to bring the best out of my life, not at all.
I have been living each day as time slipping out of my fingers, that's all.
Wasting away so much time.
Even posting here is like wasting my time. But i just had to. There's too much inside me and i really have to get it all out of me.
I am breaking apart. From my own doing.
From the emotional stress i am placing upon myself. and the ones you placed on me.
What happened to us, i really don't understand.
What i really know is, i know you enough to be aware that there are problems stopping us from communicating.
You are stressed up? oh come on, you are definitely more than this. Your capacity is greater.
Why am i lying to myself believing that you are stressed up and that's why you don't talk to me?
such a joke. there's definitely something going on.
and you just choose to ignore me, to not reply me, to not even tell me what is wrong.
i feel like screaming in your face, crying out loud, hitting you.
I don't know. but i do know i won't be able to do any of the above i have mentioned.
true love? i'm not sure. i don't think so. I just feel freaking disappointed and lost right now.
I can only keep telling myself that i've already threw away any form of dignity and tried to contact you so many times.
You just simply refuse to reply.
I am getting angry and frustrated and anxious.
seriously, what can be so wrong to the extend that you need to ignore me entirely?
sometimes i feel like screaming in your face and tell you to not be so childish.
it's like, if you're angry, must you be angry for such a long time? what's wrong? seriously?
can i just breakdown and cry and throw everything aside and don't do anything?
If i could i would really want to, but i can't. I have things i need to complete, to do.
and this is all slowing down my progress and i can't concentrate.
It's not your fault, it's mine. It's me, who misses you so much i can't even cry out loud.
I don't know how long i can take this. I don't even know if i can take this anymore.
When you have time to facebook, to online, to comment on everyone else's status etc, you don't even bother to reply my smses.
what am i supposed to do? call you? kneel down and beg or what?
i am seriously at my wits' end. I don't know what to do anymore. 
I don't see why you don't bother, you don't understand.
and i don't see why you don't even want to give me a chance to understand.
what exactly is wrong, seriously. 
WHAT DO YOU WANT?!