why

Somebody tell me, what is there for me to believe in?
I am trying real hard to keep myself from crying, to be at the top of my form.
But it's just so difficult, i don't know where i belong to anymore.
Sometimes i just feel that it's best if something happened to me, it'll be great.
I can just faint at work or get into some incident/accident.
Then i can rest my mind at the hospital, for as long as i want to.
At the rate that i'm going,
i'm only certain of 1 thing,
I will lose control of myself and go insane.
It's just a matter of time, really.